Have you ever felt so overwhelmed with an emotion you thought you were going to crawl out of your skin? Most of us have at one point or another had experiences that are difficult to manage intense feelings. I call the intense experience an Emotional Tsunami. Do you become the expereince of being the Tsunami? I admit, I do. I am fused as one; the same as the Tsunami’s overwhelming intensisity. I become it and everything in my Tsunami path is going to catch hell.
We all have experiences of extreme feelings. Have you experienced BIG feelings like below?
- Fear
- Anxiety
- Anger
- Depression
- Isolation
- Insecurity
- Sorrow
- Revenge
- Confusion
Drowning and overwhelmed with feelings can be a difficult situation to ride out. There was and still are moments when a Tsunami visits me. There are skills you can learn to that help you weather the storm. A total fix of not ever having a tsunami is not realistic yet we can develop skills to manage a tsunami.
Last week when I was at a neighbor’s summer party I had a moment when all I could see was red. Yes – indeed a RED ANGRY TSUNAMI. A brief description of the event follows
I was with my grandchildren (factious names to protect their identity), little Marie, age 10, a sweet fair-haired girl eager to please and Richmond, an emerging young man at the vulnerable age of 14 with the very beginnings of fine strawberry blond whiskers on his chin. They were playing on the other side of the yard when I noticed a look of confusion and fear on their faces. A woman standing in the middle of a group of six kids held her hands up in a fighting stance boxing. You get the idea? She was taunting Richmond to hit the other kid. “Come on hit him. Be a man. He deserves it.” As I approached I heard her spout “you’re a chicken.” OMG – then the RED ANGRY TSUNAMI took over inside of me washing up from my belly ready to explode.
As I got closer I saw the kids in the group paralyzed. Marie was on the verge of tears and Richmond in the center with his fists by his side stiff as a board looking like a stone statue. One kid was slumping with poor posture and eyes downturned. Not good.
My immediate reaction was to attack the woman and protect my loved ones. I stopped in my tracks so I could gain my composure. It was a time to use the skills I teach to people who come to see me in my private practice. The skills I pulled from my toolbox is a technique called physicalizing feelings. Below are 10 possible steps that help me and can help you ride out an EMOTIONAL TSUNAMI. The urge to wallop on that woman and give her a good thrashing crossed my mind. Psst. I am exaggerating a bit, however, I felt pissed off. Okay here are the steps to physicalizing a feeling.
- Where do you feel it in your body?
- Imagine what shape it is?
- Does it have a color(s)?
- Is there a texture inside or outside?
- Does it have or make a sound?
- Is it heavy or light?
- If it had a smell what would it smell like?
- What it’s name… if it had a name?
- Now, draw a line around it
- All the while breathing into it. Keep the visualization of it and continue to breathe into it and through it.
- An extra step: Does it have any energy/moving?
If this is a challenge at first that’s okay. It is a skill you can learn and develop.
I practice the physicalizing technique often throughout my life and it helps the more I practice. What this process allows me to do is to have space (time) between my immediate reactions to my feelings and the opportunity to make choices. It can work the same for you. In that space, I can make choices to act in a way that works for the situation. The process is not intended to GET RID of feelings. Physicalizing allows you to choose your actions. I did not wallop nor thrash the woman. I firmly told her to stop and asked her to leave the kids alone. Actually, she left the party. Yeah! Then I had a discussion with Marie and Richmond after I made sure the other little guy with the turned downed eyes found his parents. It seemed he was scared and shamed.
The first time I physicalized a feeling was as a writing assignment. Try it. Take some quiet time when you are alone undisturbed and write for 15 to 20 minutes about one of your emotional tsunamis. Hint: Go through the steps as written above. Take time as you write to notice, as a curious observer, your own experience.
I am interested if you have secrets you want to share about how you ride the waves of an Emotional Tsunami? Also, leave a comment and let me know how Physicalizing works for you.
Related Posts:
- How to Find Direction: Use Your Values
- The Good, The Bad and The Ugly
- The shocking Truth About Who’s Driving the Bus
Related Internet Posts:
- Mindful Muse: Feeling Overwhelmed and Caring for Yourself
- Can You Really Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
- SoberNation: Emotional Sobriety
(C) Copyright Brenda M. Bomgardner 2022
Brenda,
This is a fantastic solution for those intense moments that catch us by surprise when we react before we have a chance to think of the consequences of our behavior. Following these steps slows us down enough to think more clearly and most definitely make better choices when we respond.
Carol
Carol, You got it. I was trying to respond back earlier this week and there was a technical glitch with the hosting company.
Anyway you get the whole idea. Physicalizing truly allow us to make better choices for how we want to be in this world. When we spend a little time imaging our feelings as physical we can then become more open to our own information. A lot of times a trigger word or phrase touches our history and we can use that to take time to put that history in perspective. In other words we have the opportunity to embrace a more deictic experience, “That was then this is now,” and, “I was there and now I am here.”
Empathy and self-compassion grow from the ability to experience deictic relationships. What this means is when we can put ourselves “I – here – now” in “you – there – then” place and know what the experience might be like. I realize the discussion on deictic relating is more than what can be discussed here it is a strong component to ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Training and Therapy).
Glad to have you visit. Warmly –