Do you need to have self-confidence to pursue your dreams? There was a time I believed if I had more self-confidence I would have what a wanted. My wishes would come true. I believed I had to have self-confidence to ask for a promotion or raise. Also, I believed if I was more self-confident I would have the right guy in my life. I went around inserting, “If only I had more self-confidence,” in front of almost all my wishes.Essentially, I was waiting for my life to begin.
dreams and wishes. 62/365 (Photo credit: nicole.pierce.photography ?)The power of those words influenced the choices I made about how I was living my life. It is a hoax! It is not true. It is simply misleading information. A person really could wait a life time to begin living their life if they wait until they feel more self-confident or have more self-esteem. Consequently, I love to help people connect to their dreams and bring those dreams to life.
Sure having self-confidence and self-esteem are important feelings and it’s great to have them. And if you don’t have them it can feel more uncomfortable pursuing your dreams. I admit it can be hard and challenging to risk feeling insecure, anxious, uncertain, timid or shy. Being vulnerable is not for the weak. It takes courage.
We all have courage. I know you do. Sometimes, taking a small step is all that is needed to get the ball rolling towards your dreams. This is one of the reason’s I like facilitating workshops based on Acceptance and Commitment Training (ACT). With ACT you can learn skills to help you connect to your dreams and then develop a step-by step plan. Also, ACT is it is based on cutting-edge of research on how the mind works. You can click here to learn about the next workshop
dramatic dream (Photo credit: unNickrMe)How did I discover the hoax about self-confidence? Two words from a friend. “Why not?” The friend repeated the question over and over until I ran out of excuses. I was full of, “Yeah but!” All that did was keep me stuck. It’s not easy to get un-stuck when there is a story that has been around a life time. We all have self-limiting stories. And you can learn skills to put those stories where they belong. One such skill is using the following words, I’m having the thought that I need to have more self-confidence. Just try it next time you experience a self-limiting belief.
You can also, call me and I can walk you through the exercise. It only takes about 5 minutes.
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(c) 2012 Brenda Bomgardner Copy right
Hey, Brenda! I’m so glad you wrote about the myth of self-confidence and self-esteem! My clinical interest right now is focused on self-compassion. I’ve just finished reading Dr. Kristin Neff’s book, called Self-Compassion. (It was a terrific read, by the way.) In it, she cites the massive amounts of research studies that have been done related to the effectiveness of “self-esteem” only to learn that there is very little evidence to support all of the effort and resources that have been poured into boosting self-esteem to address everything from behavior problems to social ills.
According to Dr. Neff, while there has been much less research conducted on the effects of self-compassion, the research that she has conducted has led her to believe that this (rather than a focus on self-confidence or self-esteem) is more effective in addressing behavior problems, and social ills.
I so appreciate you taking the time to share such important info on your blog and especially appreciate learning that ACT is in alignment with this research, too!
Tamara, It’s great to have you visit and share your clinical knowledge with us.
After years of developing school programs from as early as the 1960s through the 1980s based on Stanley Coppersmith’s research it is looking as if too much focus on self-esteem building can lead to an over inflated ego, self-centeredness and possibly narcissism. Based on research by Dr. Brad Bushman, over concern with self-esteem is similar to what Dr. Russ Harris, author of The Happiness Trap, says about our misconceptions of happiness. We fall into a struggle and become entangled with the goal of feeling good and end up feeling bad or broken because we don’t feel good.
Within the model of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) self-compassion and self-acceptance is a by-product of being willing to have our experience without trying to make it into something other than what it is. It is kindness towards our humanness and similar to what Dr. Neff states about stop beating yourself up!
Dr. Harris is an ACT trainer and researcher and I often recommend his book, The Happiness Trap, to clients who are stuck or struggling with their pain and suffering. Using ACT with clients helps them to develop self-compassion and self-acceptance. It sounds like Dr. Neff’s book would be a good companion book to recommend.
Thank you for bringing Dr. Neff’s book, Self Compassion, to our attention. She has a wonderful blog and videos to view in addition to her books.